I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
