Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
