Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
