Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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