The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
