I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
