so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
