My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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