I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
