rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
