I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
