imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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