I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
my liver is dry heaving
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
