Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
