She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We need to rekindle our bromance
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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