god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
