you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
