Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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