What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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