I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
