I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
