69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
