Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
