He had one of those small greek statue penises
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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