He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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