we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
