So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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