Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
