First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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