I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
