who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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