STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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