Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
