i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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