I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
