You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
