isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
