My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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