I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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