Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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