from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
