I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
