Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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