found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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