Only a mothe r could love this liver
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
