I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
