so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
