Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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