you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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