he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
