just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
