shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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