Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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